


Walk In Through The Door

by taggiecb



Series: Play [5]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Comfort, Famous Harry, Famous/Not famous, London, Long-Distance Relationship, Love Confessions, M/M, Non-Famous Louis, Panic Attacks, zouis friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 18:46:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15588354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taggiecb/pseuds/taggiecb
Summary: Tour is wrapping up, and so is Louis' time in London. Did his and Harry's long distance relationship stand the test?





	Walk In Through The Door

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of a Wordplay prompt challenge that a group of us are participating in for the prompt "Wind". To read the amazing fics that were written by the others on this prompt, [click here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/wind/works), and to see all fics written as part of the challenge, [click here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/wordplay_fic_challenge/works) or find the masterpost for this year’s challenge [here](https://wordplayfics.tumblr.com/post/175608230403/wordplay-2018-every-week-a-prompt-is-chosen-using).
> 
>  
> 
> So this challenge is over. And I would love to say that my characters are settled and content, but at the same time I feel like there is so much more to say, so maybe it's not goodbye for these boys in love. Maybe we will see them again.

Louis, determined to thin out at least half of the junk that he has accumulated in the years he has been living in this flat, sits in the middle of his bed tossing things haphazard towards a massive trash bag. A soft knock on the door of his room simultaneously startles and annoys him. 

“What?” He shouts at the intruder who pops his head in looking quite indignant. 

“Excuse me?” Zayn asks like he’s a school teacher scolding a naughty child. 

“You heard me the first time.” Louis grumbles, determined to remain in the foul mood that has creeped up on him over the past few days. 

“What is up with you?” Zayn asks. “This place is a tip.” 

“Maybe if you stopped dicking your boyfriend for five minutes you would know what’s going on with me.” Louis snaps, but feels immediate regret when he sees the hurt look on Zayn’s face. “Sorry.” He mumbles into his chest, still focusing on the random piece of paper that’s been in his hand for the last few minutes. 

Zayn sits on the bed in front of him. “What is it Lou? Having second thoughts about moving?”

“No...no,” Louis swallows hard. He is so excited about moving to New York. He has been dreaming of going to work for the best publishing company out there for years. But there is something else waiting for him in the states now.

“Is it Harry?” Zayns asks, voice a little more gentle this time. Louis doesn’t say anything, doesn’t know if he can. “Did something happen?” 

“No,” Louis sighs. “It’s just...I don’t know. It feels like he’s not really interested in me anymore.” 

“That sounds fake,” Zayn replies. “What makes you think that?” 

Louis glares at Zayn but doesn’t really have the energy to keep it up. “Well for starters I haven’t talked to him in days.” Louis sounds like a petulant child, and he hates it. He hates that Harry has done this to him. 

“And why is that?” Zayn asks. His voice hardens a bit. 

“I don’t know. Time zones and work,” Louis pauses, debating not even saying this next thought out loud. “And the closer he gets to the east coast the more people seem to demand some time from him. I guess I’m not high on the priority list.” Louis finally decides to toss the piece of paper in his hand, and picks at the pile in front of him. None of what he sees is worthy transporting across the ocean so he just swipes it all into the black bag. 

“You said it wouldn’t come to this.” Zayn says. Louis looks at him finally and he is sad, sympathetic. “You weren’t going to make yourself miserable over someone that you only knew for a few weeks.”

“Well that’s the problem isn’t it? It hasn’t been a few weeks. It’s been months, and I like him. Really like him. And he’s just…”

“What’s he like when you are talking to him? Is he distant, is he trying to pull away?” 

“No,” Louis says, remembering back to their last good, real conversation. Harry was attentive as ever. He had counted down the days until they could see one another again. He sighs again, feeling the weight of a boulder on his shoulders. “There is a possibility that it’s just me.” 

“Why don’t you call him? Right now?” Zayn urges, pushing Louis’ phone gently towards him. “Where is he?” 

Louis wishes that he didn’t even know exactly where Harry was every moment of the day. He wishes he didn’t update his world clock every time he knew Harry moved to a new state, or country as the case is right now. 

“Canada, Toronto.” Louis says, picking up the phone. It would be almost noon there. They don’t really just call one another, they save it for times when they know they have lots of time. 

“Call,” Zayn says, with a little more force. 

“Yeah, alright,” Louis relents. “Thanks Z.” 

“Let me know if you need any help with this mess.” Zayn says, getting up from the bed again. 

“I will.” Louis nods at him, and hits Harry’s contact.

 

It takes a few rings, but Harry’s deep voice comes through in a half whispered “Hello?” 

“Hi...it’s Louis. Louis doesn’t know why he feels the need to say that. Harry doesn’t usually answer hello with a question. It’s 2018. He knows who is calling him.

“Hey babe!” Harry says, he sounds off, like he was caught off guard. 

“Were you asleep?” Louis doesn’t know why he feels incredulous. Harry can sleep however long he wants. But he feels indignant that he has been sitting in his room about his future while Harry slumbered peacefully. 

“Uhhh, yeah.” Louis can hear him suppressing a yawn.

“Isn’t it lunch time there?” Louis can feel himself getting hysterical. He can’t even describe why he’s so upset but he feels a deep need to share with everyone.

“I don’t know babe. Just opened my eyes. Had some friends take me out, got a bit late. Would make sense if it’s noon.” He chuckles at himself and Louis sees red. 

“I can’t do this anymore.” Louis says because it’s the only words that will come from his mouth, and hangs up. He practically leaps from the bed as if it was made of lava, and leaves his room, and then his flat without his jacket, his wallet, or his phone. 

 

When he gets home a few hours later his feet are aching and his lungs are burning. He hasn’t been on a jog in months. The improper footwear doesn’t help. Unfortunately it didn’t help his mind to settle either. He can’t seem to settle down and focus on just one thing. He needs to pack. He needs to wrap up his life in London. He hasn’t even said a proper goodbye to any of his friends. He is refusing to think about what awaits him in New York. 

When he walks into the living room Zayn is lying on the couch with his eyes closed, and his hands folded across his chest. Louis watches him for a few moments. He looks so peaceful. Louis is envious. 

“Zayn,” Louis says, trying to keep his voice soft as to not startle him. 

“Yes?” Zayn replies with a clear voice, not at all surprised by his presence.

“What are you doing?” Louis asks. Maybe Louis could do it too, maybe it would have been a better option than trying to kill himself with exercise. 

“Just resting my eyes. Waiting for you to get home,” Zayn says, not yet opening his eyes, or moving at all really. “Or waiting to get a phone call saying you were kidnapped or murdered or something.” 

Louis is about to snort at the absurdity of the comment when he remembers that he didn’t even tell Zayn he was going out and barely grabbed a pair of shoes on the way out the door. “Sorry.” 

“How did the talk with Harry go?” Zayn asks, finally opening his eyes, and sitting up. 

“He was asleep.” Louis grumbles. It stings, but the worst part is that he doesn’t know why.

“So you didn’t get a chance to talk?” 

“No, I talked…” the sick feeling that never really left Louis’ gut makes itself known. 

“Lou, what happened?” Zayn scoots over to let Louis sit down, but Louis doesn’t take the offer. He can’t sit. He can’t barely stand in one place. 

“He was asleep. I was sitting here thinking my whole world is falling apart, and he slept right through it!” Louis wants to cry. He feels like every nerve in his body is wound tight. He’s about to uncoil at any moment.

“Louis,” Zayn says to him. It sounds like a warning, like a punishment. 

“What?! You said yourself, don’t make yourself miserable, you said be careful. I’m being careful. I am not making myself miserable over a stupid…” his voice catches, barely being able to say something like that about Harry out loud, “rock star.” 

“You broke it off with him?” With the way Zayn’s eyes fill with pain it is like he’s the one being broken up with. Louis doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand anything. 

“I told him that I couldn’t do it anymore, and hung up.” Louis wants to crawl in a dark hole where none of this is happening. “Then I left. I don’t know if I can face any of this right now.” 

Zayn opens his mouth to speak, but Louis doesn’t give him the chance. He walks out of the room, and shuts his bedroom door firmly behind him. 

 

His phone sits on his bed, right where he left it. He stares at it’s black screen like it’s going to give him the answers. If he picks it up though, he is going to have to face reality. Either Harry tried to call him back, or he didn’t. He hopes he didn’t. It would break his heart if he didn’t. 

He sighs, and picks the phone up. When he activates the screen he’s surprised to see the amount of notifications on it. Texts, calls, voicemails, and skype calls. All unanswered. Almost all from Harry. It sends a twinge down his spine that he doesn’t know if it’s happiness or pain. He contemplates just deleting it all and pretending it never happened, but he can’t. He wants to so badly, but it’s Harry, and he just...he can’t.

He looks at the call log first. Fifteen missed calls, and one from Zayn. He probably heard his phone ring and didn’t bother trying again. Four missed skype calls. These almost all came after the phone calls. He hovers over voicemail or text. He doesn’t know if he can hear his voice yet. So text it is he guesses. 

**_Louis pick up_ **

**_Louis come on pick up the phone please_ **

**_Just call me and tell me what’s going on_ **

**_I don’t know what’s happening_ **

**_Are you ok?_ **

**_Just tell me that you are ok_ **

**_Louis please I have a show in a couple of hours._ **

**_I need to hear your voice_ **

**_I’ll be doing the show, but please call anyway. Leave a message and I will call you as soon as I’m off stage_ **

 

He looks at the clock. Harry would be just about to go onstage. It will be early hours of the morning in London before he was finished in Toronto. He feels so shitty for even thinking it, but if he called now he could just say what he had to say, and not have Harry there to distract him, or protest. 

First thing’s first though, he has to listen to the voicemails. There are only three. 

_ “Louis, love. I’m not sure what happened earlier. I thought maybe at first it was a weird disconnection, but the words you said before you hung up are pounding in my brain. I don’t know what’s going on over there, and it kills me that I am so far away from you. You sounded sad, and hurt. I don’t know what happened to make you feel that way, but we can fix this. I want to fix it. Please call me. I miss you so much, and every call from you is such a gift. I’ll be waiting.” _

_ “Lou, please just let me know that you’re alright. I wish I had Zayn’s number. I’m really nervous that there is something going on. I don’t know what’s going on, but at least let me know that.”  _

_ “Jesus Christ Lou, I’m about to go out in front of thousands of people and sing fucking songs and all I can think about is you. And not in the good fucking way like I have done every night since I met you. In a way that all I can picture is you lying dead in an alley somewhere. Just answer your damned phone so I know you’re alive at least!”  _

 

Louis flinches at the harsh tone of Harry’s voice. Harry has never spoken to him that way ever. He almost throws the phone back on the bed and ignores it again, but he doesn’t. He hits the call button on Harry’s icon, and takes a deep breath as it rings and then goes to voicemail. 

 

“Hey, it’s me. I’m sorry I hung up on you. That was a pretty dick move.” He pauses, not really knowing how to explain how he’s feeling about Harry. “I was having a pretty shit day. Well, a pretty shit few days actually. I haven’t heard from you and I was feeling kind of down about it I guess….ok I was feeling like someone was ripping my heart out if I’m honest. And that’s not ok. We weren’t supposed to do that right? This was supposed to be happy and good. Not sit by the phone and ripping your friends head off for just talking to you right? So I called, and you were asleep. You’re not miserable. I am feeling like my head is screwed on backwards, and you are fine. It made me angry. And lonely, and hurt, and I miss you so much I want to break things. And I can’t feel this way anymore.” The tears start spilling down his cheeks as he pictures Harry’s reaction to all of what he’s saying. “I’m sorry I made you worry.” He finishes with a shaky breath and hangs up. He looks at the clock again. He pictures Harry on stage, smiling at the crowd, encouraging them to scream and cheer. It makes him feel empty. 

 

When he wakes up the next morning the first thing he does is check his phone. It’s more out of habit than anything, but his stomach sinks when he sees that he has no calls, or texts. Harry got his voicemail and didn’t reply. His brain keeps asking  _ isn’t this what you wanted?  _ And he wants to say yes, but it doesn’t feel like he got what he wanted at all. He feels like he lost. 

He drags himself out of bed anyway. He only has a few short weeks left at Random House London, and he has a lot of things to wrap up there as well. He was promoted to junior copywriter before he got to New York, and while it was such a pleasure to be promoted earlier than he hoped, it put a lot of work on his plate that he really didn’t need. He decides to leave his phone plugged into the charger by his bed. Looks like he won’t be needing it today. 

Turns out being painfully busy helps when you’re entire world is crumbling around you. The day flew by and Louis barely lifted his head from his keyboard. He feels both mentally and physically exhausted when he drags his feet the last few meters to his building. He probably didn’t need to put in the extra few hours of overtime. 

He checks his phone. There are a few calls, and text when he scrolls through. None from Harry though. He isn’t ashamed to admit to himself that it stings. 

As he’s contemplating what delivery service to order from, and realising how pathetically alone he is, the door buzzer goes off. He can think of literally no one at the door right now that he would want to talk to. It’s probably someone looking for Zayn anyway. He ignores it, and continues to peruse the menu for the new chinese place only a few blocks away. 

The door buzzes again, and again and again. Louis curses as he walks to the intercom. “Yeah?” He says, trying to deter anyone from actually wanting to talk to him. 

“Can I come up?” A slow, deep drawl comes through the speaker stopping Louis in his tracks. 

“Harry?” Louis squeaks, sounding the exact opposite. 

“Yeah.” Harry replies, almost like he’s apologising for being there. 

Louis buzzes him up, not really knowing what to say. Harry is supposed to be in Montreal right now. He’s got a show in less than twenty four hours. He stands with the door opened waiting for Harry to come up to his floor. When Harry walks around the hall he looks tired, and defeated. His shoulders are slumped, his eyes are ringed red with deep purple underneath. His hair is a mess, almost tangled and knotted, not the usual swoop of wind blownZ1 curls that he usually sports. When he looks up from his feet he stops, startled. 

They stay that way, silent, motionless in a faceoff for what feels like hours. All Louis wants to do is jump in his arms. 

“What are you doing here?” He says instead. 

“I couldn’t do this on the phone.” Harry replies. His eyes don’t brighten, his lips don’t lift in a smile. 

“So you flew here from Canada?” Louis asks. He wants to be mad. He wants a reason to push Harry away. The realisation hits him like a punch in the stomach. 

“Yeah, I flew from Canada.” Harry says, voice sharp and cutting. “The most important person in my life just tried to cut me out, tried to dump me. My best friend is hurting and I don’t know why.” 

Louis hesitates, then freezes cold. He can’t breath. He can’t move. His eyes widen in panic as he tries to get air into his lungs. Harry rushes toward him, putting a hand on his chest. 

“Lou, Louis, lovely,” He repeats getting Louis attention. “Feel my hand on you chest, in and out.” Harry talks to him while also gently guiding him into the flat. Louis can hear a door click closed, but it feels a million miles away. He just keeps focusing on moving Harry’s hand in and out, in and out. 

It’s only about a minute but feels like a lifetime before he can think clearly again. Harry is staring at him the exact same way he was in the hall. What seemed like anger and indifference a few minutes ago now looks like concern and sadness. He reaches out, and rubs his thumb along Harry’s cheekbone. Harry leans into it every so slightly and closes his eyes. 

“I’m so sorry.” Louis says. He doesn’t even know what for anymore. 

“Why Lou?” Harry asks. 

“I’m scared.” Louis finally says it, finally allows himself to think it. “All the things in my life that are supposed to be great. They terrify me.” 

“It’s ok to be scared. Your whole life is being tossed sideways.” Harry says. Louis sees a small glint of life come back into his eyes. 

“I want to move, but I don’t want to leave my life behind. I want to start a life with you, but I don’t want to feel like I’m not enough for you. I want to be in a business that I can barely keep up with right now. I’m a failure at literally everything in my life right now.” 

“You listen to me Louis William Tomlinson, you are failing at nothing.” Harry’s sharp tone startles Louis out of the good wallow he was preparing himself for. “One, you are moving across the ocean alone, without even help from anyone, financial or otherwise because you are an awesome son and brother and friend. So yeah, you’re allowed to be stressed about that. “Two. Harry lifts two fingers, as if to emphasize the point, “You are the actual most important thing in my life right now. I’m not going to say the word that I am thinking, because it’s probably not the place right now but I’m thinking that word, and have been for quite a while now. You will always be enough for me, and I hope to God every day that I am enough for you.” Harry frowns suddenly and Louis realises that he probably made Harry feel like he wasn’t enough. But before Louis can reply, Harry lifts three fingers, pasting on a smile, “Three, you are one of the smartest people I have ever met. I know you’ve been struggling in your new position, but you are so brilliant Lou, they will be trying to keep up with you soon.” Harry stops with a triumphant sigh, and flops back on the couch. 

Louis doesn’t really know what to say in response. Harry flew thousands of miles to cheer him up. Louis feels like an utter ass. “You’re enough.” He settles on. “You are more than enough.” 

Harry leans forward again. “Lou, I don’t know how this happened. How you got so down without me even noticing. I feel like I failed you. So if you wanted to take some time...I get it, I just needed you to know that I’m here for you whenever…” Harry stops talking because Louis is shaking his head violently. 

“Can you say the word?” He asks “The word you’re thinking? This is the time. This is the best time.” 

“Louis Tomlinson, I love you so much that some days loving you is all that takes up my mind. I love you so much that it scares me sometimes. I didn’t know that loving another person could be as overwhelming as it is. I love you.” Harry watches Louis, still wary, but so sincere. 

“I love you too,” Louis replies, far less eloquent than Harry’s pronouncement. “God I’m so sorry I put you through this. You deserve so much better.” 

“We’ll go through shit Louis, but I want you to know that no matter how bad it gets, we have each other. I’m sorry for not seeing you struggle. I was so caught up on how happy you made me, maybe I forgot to make you happy too.” 

“You didn’t. You couldn’t have known something that I didn’t really know myself. Apparently it took breaking it off with you, yelling at Zayn, running away from home for a few hours, and a panic attack to figure it out.” Louis chuckles to himself. Harry smiles, just a small little bit, but it’s a win for Louis. “I can’t believe you came all the way here for me.” 

“I’d do it again in a heartbeat.” Harry says. 

“When do you have to go back?” Louis asks. No matter what the time, it’s going to be too soon. 

Harry looks at his phone, and frowns. “Three hours.” 

“Wow, that is even less than my worst case scenario.” Louis says, but smiles. 

“But I’m so happy to see you.” 

“I’m happy to see you smile.” Harry says, but he’s still not happy, he’s not smiling. 

“What’s wrong.” Louis asks. Harry looks caught off guard. 

“I didn’t like this. It wasn’t fun for me.” He says, the lines between his eyebrows getting deeper. “I was so worried about you. And I feel like I’m going to continue to be worried until you get to New York.” 

“Please don’t be.” Louis strokes Harry’s cheek again. Harry takes it and puts it to his lips. “I was overwhelmed, and scared. But I have the best support system in the world. And we will get through this together right?” 

“I wish you could just come with me now.” Harry pouts. 

“I do too, but I don’t need a babysitter. I need someone to organize my life.” Louis laughs again. 

“Don’t ever break up with me because you’re overwhelmed with life.” Harry demands. 

“I promise.” Louis says, somber and sincere. 

“Thank you.” 

“Thank you for loving me so much.” Louis leans in and kisses him on the lips. The entire world seems to calm down around him. The tight nerves loosen, the noise in his head quiets. All he can focus on is Harry’s warm hand cupping his cheek. 

“I love you.” Harry says again. It’s all he has to say. Everything they are both feeling is wrapped up in those three words. It’s all they need.


End file.
